I wake up. It's Friday, the 26th. I definitely know what day is today because i've been waiting for it for months. it's Eiddd time! I quickly dress up in my kuftan, and go straight to Buttercup (my sheep). he's still alive! i talk to him for sometime, and decide to head to the kitchen. Mom is there, i ignore her presence. but, i hug my grandmom and wish her happy eid.
Since, we haven't sacrificed our lamb yet, i get some tomatoes, and onions and decide to cut them and make them fit for the barbecue we're having later. i listen to music while doing that, and talk to my grandmom.
Few hours later, we sacrifice our lamb, and decide to make my own lunch since mom doesn't wanna do anything but taking care of her husband. Disappointment. Rage. Anger. Tears. Rain. Music. Book. that's how i feel. Eid has lost its taste. it's not the same anymore. i've not even smiled. except for the pics. this is not how Eid should feel like. The feeling comes back. The feeling of me getting a knife and start cutting is back. I just stare at my blue bracelet, and try to think about something else. I remember I made a promise to never cut again. I keep looking at it until my thoughts are dispersed.
I spend the rest of the day in bed. doing nothing but watching Korean dramas. I love Korean Dramas. they give me hope. they make me smile. Love. Friendship. Motivation. they include everything has in life but religion.
I try to look happy because in two days i'll be seeing Yasmine.my best friend. my sister. my everything. she's the most i love most in the world right now. she came last week, and we had so much fun together although it didn't last. i discuss everything with her except my mother. because she never seems to understand me. never seems to console me. never seems to try and see my point of view. because she's so religious she believes that a mother is always right even if she kills her kids. however, i still love her and appreciate her being in my life.