Big salute to all my lovely followers wherever you are. Thanks for checking up on me although I haven't been on here for a very long time.
I have recently moved to the Bay Area, San Francisco, California. It's been almost month now and I have finally decided to stop being lazy and actually write something as some of you guys have been asking what my plans were, and where I am.
I flew to California from Washington on the 9th August. The flight was very pleasant, but it was delayed for an hour. It took me 5 hours to get to California. It was really tiring and I had nothing to eat. So, I was pretty much hungry.
I met my host family later on that day. I am living with a young, non-married couple in Millbrae. They are really awesome. We are living in an apartment near downtown Millbrae. They are treating me like their own kid and we have very interesting and funny conversations.
I started school on August 14th. I am taking: Algebra 3-4, Economics, AP physics and English 7. I don't consider my school community service classes to be classes as they are really cool, and I don't do a lot of stuff (helping people learn English, correcting homework, etc). I love my school. Everyone is super nice to me, and all myteachers are quite funny and helpful.
I have been to a lot of different places. Now, I know how to use the train and I evn went to San Francisco by myself. We usually go tot he countryside on the weekends. Today, I saw my first American movie in a very cool American theater and I really like that. I also went to a rope course yesterday with some exchange students and my cluster coordinator.
I will try to write an article or two per week so I can keep track of my memories and keep you guys updated. Thanks so much for the comments, hearts and following. I really appreciate it.
Assalamou Alaykom, skyrockers :D I had my finals last week. I'm free. Well, my freedom is still loading, and it's nearly there. I've only few days left until my spring break. in few days, i'll be off school for 2 weeks, or maybe even a month. When I had my finals, what do you think I'd been doing? Normal people revise, study and learn. As for me, I guess I'm not so normal. I'd been watching anime. I'd seen: Kimi Ni Todoke. I loved Kimi Ni Todoke. It shows us that no matter what we look like, we should be comfortable in our skin, that it's okay to be different, that we'll always be loved no matter who we are in this world. It also shows how sometimes we can be so wrong about our thoughts and feelings, that sometimes what we think is fake, is actually real. The 2nd anime was: Special A. Special A has quickly become one of my favourites. That anime proves that although we are rivals, an some sort of enemies, deep inside we can be lovers and friends. Sometimes, we can also be cold and mysterious, but that doesn't mean we don't care, or we are insensitive. we shouldn't judge people from what we just see, we have to look deep inside of them. the third one was Vampire Knight. I have so many feelings about this anime. like so many. ever since i watched it, i've been thinking about Zero, one of the main characters. i ever downloaded the manga on my phone. it's such a beautiful anime! i wish they would turn it into a drama, and movie. it really deserves to be watched and seen by everyone. it's about secrets, love and vampires. everyone should watch it. it's truly awesome. it's the best japanese shoujo anime i've ever seen so far. the manga is pretty good as well. i had also seen "Kaichou Wa Maid Sama". I'll never get over Usui's perfection. This boy sacrificed a lot for his love. he kissed a boy, disguised himself as a waiter, made his girl think she was his enemy so she'd not take pictures with another boy. i admire his courage, and sacrifice. he did all he could to get his girl.he fought for her, and never let her down. he was always there beside her whenever she needed him. but, she only realized all that at the end. although, i'm so happy with the ending, they should write like season 2, or something. it's really worth watching. I had also seen "Fruits Basket". It didn't capture much my attention, although sometimes the main female character would say a lot of interesting, wise words but, the plot and story hadn't so much to talk about, and the ending wasn't so clear. sometimes, i would feel that the girl is way too fake, and plastic. after all, this is my opinion. and to end my week, i saw Myself, Yourself again. it's really awesome. an anime treating so many problems in our society such as "love and age", "suicide and loneliness", "music and depression." You can never get tired of that anime. Anyways, i want to make something clear. There's a difference between Manga and Anime. Anime is the cartoon version of the manga. for example: I've seen the Anime and have read the manga. You can't say "I've seen that manga!" well, no. Manga is the written version of the anime. it like has photos, and bubbles with what each character says. I hope you all can understand this, because a lot of people think it's the same thing, but they're different. however, anime and manga are both stuff that only Japan produces. For example: american cartoons are not anime, and captain america (the magazine) is not a manga. and now, i leave you with my picture :D it says "Baka". it's a Japanese word for "idiot". Leave me your comments! what anime have you seen? what manga have you read? what do you prefer: anime or manga? also, i need some suggestions. i don't know what i shall watch now, so help me out :3 you have probably noticed that i love shoujos (romantic anime) but, i also like mystery and adventure (i.e: death note, and hunter x hunter).
My heart is breaking. I'm listening to a Korean song.
When you have a fight with him Sometimes you cry And feel sad and blue I become hopeful My heart aches secretly Then just a hint of your smile Can make feel fine again To keep you from figuring out how I feel about you Coz then we would drift apart I hold my breath, bite my lips Oh, please leave him and come to me.
And he pops into my mind. I don't seem to get over him. He's my first love. I promised him I'd never stop loving him because i thought we would last, but we didn't. now, i can't actually stop loving him. what if he is the one?
I don't wanna listen to music anymore. it keeps reminding me of him, of each moment i had with him.
"I love you so much, Noor. OK?" He said that back in August. I came back from the hospital. he called me randomly because he missed me. He was waiting for his car to be fixed. That's how our conversation ended "I love you so much, Noor. OK?". That was the first time i heard him pronounce these words. Ever since then, he never stopped saying them.
I remember the first time I told him I had a crush on him. It was on the 29th May 2011, at 1.19 a.m. He told me he loved me. The next morning, for the first time he talked to me first. He asked me how i was doing and it was so weird talking to me after the last conversation. It was odd, indeed. but, it felt good. I'll never forget that day.
I'm not the kind of person who would have a lot of crushes, or likes. I can only have a crush on one person. and that crush lasts for a long time. With him, it lasted longer than expected. Maybe because it developed into deep, mad love. I'm still passionate about him. It's always been him, and no one else.
I was never perfect no, but I'd never let it go To a point I'm raging', throwing, making you uncomfortable What he did to you was unacceptable You claimed everything was okay, That's impossible Just know I'm here for you, all clear for you from night to sun Gotta be near to you, the feel of you gives me a rush It makes me feel that what we had was real It could never be too late.
He made my life complete for some time. now, he's making me miserable. seeing what he has become pains me to death. i wonder where have our endless conversations gone? our long phone calls? I wonder if he actually still remembers any of this.
I remember the first time he talked to my mom. he told her i never took care of myself. I wonder if he knows that ever since he said, i've been taking care of myself for him so he'd not nag. Now, he never nags. I hate how he used to complain all the time, now i miss it. probably it's the thing i miss most about him.
I remember how he used to get jealous from All Time Low. it drove me crazy. i loathed him at times like that. now, i'm crying my eyes about it because i miss his jealous. he cared. he actually cared.
All the dreams we'd built on our desperate hopes. The late night conversations. The music we heard. The jealousy we felt. The pain we suffered from. The long phone calls. The endless skype conversations.
I miss everything about you. I'm sorry I'm still in love with you.
It's the finals week. i should be studying is the sentence i repeat most, but what i do is sleeping, and chatting on the phone. life is difficult when you have exams, and when you also have a phone! it's such a distraction. i talk to Ashraf all the time. all the time. whether in class, at home, in the bathroom, under the shower, we're always talking. he makes me laugh a lot, and i make every single day of his week :3 it really makes me happy seeing someone is laughing cuz of me. ashraf and I are quite good friends now, although we've only known each other for a week and few days. i"m spending the week at my best friend's house... Ines. we have so much fun together. we barely study, but we always end doing well. no one knows how or why haha. yet, we just do great. although not really always.. but, some subjects are just too boring to care about them such as FRENCH. I mean who actually speaks french? i hate french, i never talk in it. although, in my family it's more like the first language, but i cba. anyway, i have to go now. my cousins came from germany, and we're going around for a tour around the city. Thanks skyrock for the blogstar award:3 i will update more photos. i promiseee! Thanks for everything guise. you made my day!
I keep reminding myself.. "I'm Noorjahan.. I'm 17.. I'm from Tunisia, and I have no stepdad..." The week passes by.. exams.. school.. Fallen.. it's a dull routine. My mom hasn't recovered yet. She never smiles. She spends most of her in the cemetery. We're fighting a lot. She's losing herself. I feel like she's lost faith in everything. What to do? she's not listening anymore. I'm fine. But, i'm dying. I choose to wear black. Not because my stepdad died, or anything. but because black is my favorite color. Friday comes. I finally have it in my hands. Samsung Galaxy is in my hands. I start discovering it. I don't feel like doing anything by staying on this phone. it's so nice. I download all the apps i know. Whatsapp, Twitter. and during the evening, majd asks me to download more apps: Walkie Talkie, Viber, and some other apps. I love this new phone. simply do. I feel bad for my best friend for not having it though. The next day, I go out with Jawaher. finally going out and having fun.. I meet her up by The Jarra. We go and have some pizza first as we bboth didn't have a yummy lunch. After that, we get some frozen yogurt, and head to some famous café in my region called "Twins."
another week passes by..and another friday comes. FRIDAY! it's the day i've been looking for! the day i'm going to the circus with slim on! I meet him at the bus station. he has 3 flowers in his hand (orange, white and red) he gives me the flowers as we shake our hands. The circus is nice. I fall in love with one of the entertainer. he looks amazing, and cool. he's good at everything. i try to talk to him at the end. his accent is good. although he speaks with some german words at the beginning. as slim and i walk home, i feel like i've left a piece of me at the circus. with him. when i first saw him, my heart started beating. i knew this guy was really something. i knew he could take me away. when i saw him, i felt alive. is it love at the first sight? On sunday, today, i have some stuff going on. the most important thing is: going out with yasmine. we have a nice chat, nice food, and nice long hugs. it's good to be in her embrace after these two harsh weeks. it's good feeling her love. but, when she tells me she's in love with the guy from the circus that i love i admire her more.
I wake up. It's Friday, the 26th. I definitely know what day is today because i've been waiting for it for months. it's Eiddd time! I quickly dress up in my kuftan, and go straight to Buttercup (my sheep). he's still alive! i talk to him for sometime, and decide to head to the kitchen. Mom is there, i ignore her presence. but, i hug my grandmom and wish her happy eid. Since, we haven't sacrificed our lamb yet, i get some tomatoes, and onions and decide to cut them and make them fit for the barbecue we're having later. i listen to music while doing that, and talk to my grandmom. Few hours later, we sacrifice our lamb, and decide to make my own lunch since mom doesn't wanna do anything but taking care of her husband. Disappointment. Rage. Anger. Tears. Rain. Music. Book. that's how i feel. Eid has lost its taste. it's not the same anymore. i've not even smiled. except for the pics. this is not how Eid should feel like. The feeling comes back. The feeling of me getting a knife and start cutting is back. I just stare at my blue bracelet, and try to think about something else. I remember I made a promise to never cut again. I keep looking at it until my thoughts are dispersed. I spend the rest of the day in bed. doing nothing but watching Korean dramas. I love Korean Dramas. they give me hope. they make me smile. Love. Friendship. Motivation. they include everything has in life but religion. I try to look happy because in two days i'll be seeing Yasmine.my best friend. my sister. my everything. she's the most i love most in the world right now. she came last week, and we had so much fun together although it didn't last. i discuss everything with her except my mother. because she never seems to understand me. never seems to console me. never seems to try and see my point of view. because she's so religious she believes that a mother is always right even if she kills her kids. however, i still love her and appreciate her being in my life.
to you.. who said you'd take care. to you.. who promised to take care. when all you've done is pretending you've nothing to take care of. to you.. who said you'd not forget. to you.. who talked endlessly about the bright future, but, now, you're not even living in the present. to you.. who said i was your only smile in the world. to you.. who said you'd never give up on me. to you.. who said you'd never do anything to make me leave. to you.. who said we'd make decision together. to you.. who said you'd keep me happy as long as i'm with you. to you.. who lied, cheated, and forgot all the promises. to the you.. that i loved. to the you.. that i forgave. to the you.. that i made smile. to the you.. that i called "mom". i don't want you.
(me and katie! i finally met my penfriend Katie from Scotland. and here's a pic =) )
The scene is still playing in my head. although it's Friday but what happened on Monday is still on my mind. That scene that didn't even last for 1 minute is still here. on my mind. playing over and over again. my heart is still beating as fast as it was on Monday during that one minute, or 10 seconds. My bag was stolen on Monday, and I got hit on my shoulder by the thieves. More than that..what killing me is that.. my camera was in the bag. yes, guys. my camera..my world was stolen. Let me introduce you my camera. My camera represents my world. I take photos so I can remember some details. I take photos because that's what i feel i was born for. to take photos..and cherish them. no one can understand that. I don't feel like writing anymore. I don't have any photos to attach with my articles, and my phone is broken. so no more pics. probably, just webcam will be posted. like this one: my article has no more colors although it has.